Is your bipolar husband the reason you walk on land mines all the time?

Well, it is not surprising at all! I understand what you are going through and you may feel helpless. Because you are subjected to constant rage attacks by him on and off.

What is even worse is that he would end up playing the nasty blame game with you, leading you to believe that it is your mistake. Unfortunately, in most cases, your bipolar husband may not be aware of his frequent anger and toxic behavior. Nevertheless, it is bad news for your mental well-being.

In fact, it is highly detrimental to your very existence in the relationship. Rather, it is a one-sided relationship where you are always blamed and hurt for no fault of yours.

Even though you know that your husband’s hissy fits are not in his control, surviving such relationships is no easy feat. It takes immense patience and courage to live peacefully with an unreasonable, bipolar husband and manage his expectations every day.

The National Institute of Mental Health states that bipolar disorders affect roughly 2.9 percent of American men. So, knowing how to manage a bipolar husband may come in handy for you.

This article will help you why your bipolar husband blames you for everything. And I will also share some ways to tackle the situation.

Why is Your Bipolar Husband Blaming You for Everything?

Let us understand what bipolar disorder is, and how it manifests, to decode the behavior of your husband.

Unfortunately, this is how bipolar disorders work! It is the mental illness that is to blame when your husband starts acting incredibly unreasonable. His bad mood is leaking into your relationship, ruining it, little by little, every day.

Drastic mood fluctuations are one of the key symptoms of bipolar disorder. Mood swings ranging from being very happy to very sad can dilute interactions, affecting relationships to a great extent.

Your bipolar husband blames you because he is not able to effectively manage his distressing emotions. So, the unintentional goal for him is to divert all the attention away from his own negative feelings and pin the blame on you.

For example: When under extreme stress, they tend to seek help and support for their problems. However, they would not willingly tell you about it as you are expected to understand it yourself. And if you fail to capture their distress (which they think is OBVIOUS), you are a pathetic person to them.

They will not call you when they need urgent help. But, they will expect you to call them instead. And still, go on to blame you for not knowing how much trouble they were in.

Here are some other reasons why your spouse keeps blaming and hurting you in the process:

• It is a way of seeking attention and demanding more emotional support. They expect you to be amazing mind-readers and fully understand their emotional turmoil.
• They are ashamed of themselves. So, they are trying to evade their responsibility of owning up to their mistakes.
• Bipolar husbands cannot handle rejection very well. So, they fear abandonment, change in the current scheme of things, and rejection
• They fear opening up to you and then get upset about you not getting how they feel, ever.
• They may feel guilty due to their impulsive actions or offensive comments. So, they put the blame on you to get out of that guilt. “You are responsible for me being so mad at you” is commonly said by bipolar spouses.
• They blame their parents and other loved ones including you thinking you are not doing enough to help them cope with their illness.
• They blame you when you are happy. Because bipolar husbands feel it is unfair that they have been denied a happy life. “Why can’t I be normal and live normally” angers them even more. They are not jealous of you, but it is an impulsive reaction that can catch you off guard!

Signs your Bipolar Husband is Targeting you

This section will help you look out for major symptoms to understand if your bipolar husband is really blaming you:

• He gets angry over insignificant things
• He shows physical aggression during random rage attacks
• You observe constant mood shifts and are unaware of your husband’s next move
• Your husband cannot help but develop dangerous negative thought patterns
• He uses strong language and profanity
• He loses his calm when you fail to understand his unspoken thoughts
• He is extremely confrontational and easily gets into unnecessary arguments or fights
• He is very opinionated and throws a fit when you do not conform to his beliefs or standards
• He holds you responsible for his frustration and everything bad happening in his life
• Most importantly you regularly find yourself googling for information on how to handle bipolar partners

Should You Give Up On Your Bipolar Husband?

In this section, I will discuss when it is best to leave your husband alone and quit trying too much!

Now if you really love your bipolar husband, you would not mind going the extra mile to be with him. However, you must also prioritize your mental wellness. Because it will eventually drain your emotional battery and leave you exhausted after a point.

According to this research paper on MDPI, your mental health can be heavily compromised due to an explosive bipolar husband in your life.  The likelihood of divorce and separation is twice or thrice more likely among bipolar patients than in the general population.

Here is how your mental health may be affected:

• You shoulder the burden of self-sacrifice
• You keep satisfying unreasonable expectations
• You gradually develop trust issues with your spouse
• There is a deep emotional impact on you subsequently followed by many other physical health problems

Know When to Say “No” To Your Bipolar Husband?

So, is it worth it to put up with your husband’s accusations and save your marriage? This section will explore some effective ways.

I would advise trying out the tips below before you give up on him. Once your tipping point is reached, stop saving the relationship that you have not broken in the first place. And then mutually decide to part ways for everyone’s good!

• Quit being defensive or angry and communicate calmly with your bipolar husband.
• Since his moods keep changing, make sure to check in on your husband at regular intervals. Find the right time to talk it out with him.
• Get help from others having bipolar husbands and going through a similar situation.
• Confide in with your trusty best friend who would not jump straight to conclusions.
• Join support groups to prevent feeling lonely. And get effective, tried & tested advice from the insightful experiences of others.
• Visit a counselor/therapist who can help you work on your communication skills in the relationship and deal with your emotions, too.
• With frequent conversations, convince your bipolar husband to attend couples therapy to resolve issues more amicably.

Ways to Work Your Marriage Involving A Bipolar Husband

So, is it worth it to put up with your husband’s accusations and save your marriage? This section will explore some effective ways.

I would advise trying out the tips below before you give up on him. Once your tipping point is reached, stop saving the relationship that you have not broken in the first place. And then mutually decide to part ways for everyone’s good!

• Quit being defensive or angry and communicate calmly with your bipolar husband.
• Since his moods keep changing, make sure to check in on your husband at regular intervals. Find the right time to talk it out with him.
• Get help from others having bipolar husbands and going through a similar situation.
• Confide in with your trusty best friend who would not jump straight to conclusions.
• Join support groups to prevent feeling lonely. And get effective, tried & tested advice from the insightful experiences of others.
• Visit a counselor/therapist who can help you work on your communication skills in the relationship and deal with your emotions, too.
• With frequent conversations, convince your bipolar husband to attend couples therapy to resolve issues more amicably.

Conclusion

These are difficult times but you cannot crack or break under pressure. So, make sure you also focus on self-care, yoga, mindfulness meditation, and other relaxation techniques to develop the mental resilience to go through it all.

Despite trying hard, if it still gets way past your threshold, let it go and walk away peacefully as a last resort. Accept the fact that you cannot change certain things and some people entirely even if you love them dearly.

However, the hurt should not fester in either you or your partner after you separate. So, do not burn bridges completely or leave them in the dark. Instead, have that final chat with your bipolar husband, part ways mutually, and move on!