Cheating or infidelity is the unexpected part of a relationship that no one likes to talk about, yet it scars many for the rest of their lives.
In today’s society, cheating is only becoming more and more prevalent. However, that doesn’t mean that its aftermath is getting less impactful.
It hurts, and sometimes it hurts so bad that it makes the person depressed.
And the worst part, for most, once they are cheated on, it becomes almost impossible to trust or love someone new and even love themselves again. They get into a self-loathing mentality where they start seeing themselves as lesser, unworthy of true love.
But we are here to help. Therefore, today we will talk about how you can get out of depression after getting cheated on and rebuild trust in yourself again.
So let’s take a deep breath and dive in towards a better tomorrow.
Psychological Impacts Of Infidelity After Being Cheated On
Cheating can have long-term psychological effects on us. Before we know the solution, we must be aware of the problems. So, here we have discussed some of the psychological effects of getting cheated on.
Please note that these depend on the individual, and not everyone who experiences infidelity will develop these issues.
Chronic anxiety
Once someone discovers that their partner has cheated on them, yet they decide to rekindle things with them, there’s a high chance that they will go through a period of anxiety. Their partner’s infidelity will trigger intense insecurity and uncertainty in them.
If the feeling persists for a long time, it can lead to chronic anxiety as they constantly worry about the stability of their relationship, self-worth, and whether they made the right move by giving them a second chance.
The betrayal can create a general sense of unease that lingers over time.
PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is seen particularly in cases where the betrayal is severe or involves a significant breach of trust.
In such cases, the victim might experience flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, experience hypervigilance, and heightened emotional reactivity.
Depression
The emotional aftermath of being cheated on, in most cases, is anger, followed by sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. We see people questioning their own values and whether they were not “enough” for their partner.
The sudden betrayal can trigger depressive symptoms that might require professional guidance to manage.
Trust Issues
In most cases, infidelity shakes the foundation of a relationship, that is, trust. Once the trust is broken, it is extremely hard to regain it fully.
It can extend beyond the current relationship, leading to difficulty trusting future partners, friends, and family members. Trust issues can impact romantic relationships and other areas of life.
Difficulty in Regulating Emotions
One common thing for everyone is that after experiencing unexpected infidelity from a partner, everyone goes through an emotional roller coaster.
In such cases, most people find it difficult to regulate their emotions. They can experience mood swings, irritability, and emotional reactivity, which impacts their overall well-being.
How Does Cheating Affect Mental Health?
Once we discover that our partner has been unfaithful, most of us go through several emotions. And it is crucial to identify them to save ourselves from getting doomed to depression.
Denial
This is the first stage after one learns about their partner’s infidelity. If the relationship is long enough and this is the first time they are hearing something like this, denial will be their natural instinct.
This happens as they didn’t see that coming and are now in shock. So they keep telling themselves that whatever happened is not true.
Guilt/Self-doubt
For some, if a thing like this has happened in the past (not necessarily with the same partner), instead of going in denial, they might get into self-doubt and guilt-trip themselves.
There will be boiling anger inside them, and while some of it would be for their partner, most of it will be towards themselves.
However, this is not a stage everyone will go through; some might jump directly to the next one.
Aggression/Irritation
Irritation and aggression are some of the very common traits we see after someone has gone through a breakup that involves cheating.
Once the person gets out of denial and realizes that they have been cheated on, they start rationalizing their partner’s deed against their contribution to the relationship.
This makes them bottle up their anger even more and turns them into an irritable or aggressive person. They will often lash out at people around them, especially those who are very close.
Depression
If the aggression and irritation persist too long, they start cutting themselves off socially, and that is the worst thing one can do in such scenarios.
While this is the stage where they start coming to terms with what happened to them, this is also the stage where they can start getting depressed out of loneliness.
Therefore, if you are going through such a rough phase where you are isolating yourself, we would advise you not to do that. Rather, go out, talk to your friends/ close ones about your feelings, and get the heaviness off of your chest.
Common Signs Of Depression After Cheating
While you may not find many people talking about this, infidelity might also affect the person who cheated on their partner. Here are some common aftermaths of infidelity one can experience if they cheated on their partner.
- Guilt and shame: Upon realizing their actions might have hurt their partner, those who cheat often feel guilty and ashamed. This feeling can get very strong and insufferable, making it difficult for some to regulate their emotions.
- Depression: The weight of their actions, potential consequences, and damage to the relationship can contribute to feelings of sadness and hopelessness.
Depression might manifest itself because of the internal conflict they’re experiencing. - Anxiety: The constant fear of being caught and being exposed as a consequence of cheating on someone can lead to feelings of anxiety.
Also, people who have been cheated upon start distancing themselves from others because they stop believing in others. This can lead to intense feelings of loneliness and anxiety. - Regret: Those who cheated often regret their choices and their impact on their partner and the relationship. This regret can further contribute to emotional distress.
- Low self-esteem: Like the betrayed partner, the person who cheated might struggle with their self-esteem and self-worth due to their actions. They may question their own character and judgment.
How to Recover From Depression After Cheating?
If you cheated on your partner and are now struggling with any of the above or something similar, here are some practices that can help you start recovering.
Accept Your Fault and Be Accountable
If you are feeling any of the symptoms mentioned above, the first step for you is to get out of it will be to accept that you made a mistake.
Acknowledge your actions and the consequences you brought upon yourself and the relationship.
Do Self-reflection Practices
While acknowledging is a must, it is not enough. You need to understand the reason behind your infidelity. It’s important, no matter if you are trying to fix things with your current partner or not.
Understanding your motivations behind cheating will give you a clearer perspective of what you actually want out of a relationship. Then you’ll be able to avoid repeating the same mistake.
Express Remorse
To overcome the guilt, you must sincerely apologize to your partner. Show them you understand your fault and are sorry for the pain you’ve caused them.
Also, while you do that, be prepared for them to react emotionally. And do not think for a moment that you are entitled to their forgiveness just because you are accepting your fault. To forgive or not is completely up to them!
Take Professional Help
If none of this works, you should seek professional help and go for therapy. They can help you better address any unresolved issues or help you develop strategies so that you avoid repeating the same in the future.
How To Build Yourself Back After Getting Cheated On?
Experiencing infidelity just once can be enough for a person to be paranoid for the rest of their lives. Even if you choose to give your partner a second chance, you may feel that things are not the same anymore.
But you must move on from that feeling to live a happy and fulfilling life. So, here are some tips for you to build yourself back.
Accept the Fact that Things will take Time to get Back to Normal
You can’t just decide to forgive them and make things normal in a jiff. Subconsciously you will be judging them for some time. So don’t stress why things are not how they used to be.
Put Yourself First
Express what you are feeling and do what makes you comfortable. If any of their actions or words trigger you, politely let them know that.
Remind Yourself that you are not the Problem
Just because someone cheated on you doesn’t mean you were at fault. People change, and so do their priorities and expectations, so there can be a hundred reasons why a person would cheat. So put an end to that self-loathing!
Seek Professional Help
It is always a great idea to seek couple therapy or counseling sessions after such incidents. Especially if you are determined to rekindle things with the same partner, relationship counselors can help you identify the underlying issue and suggest you the best way forward.
The Effects of Cheating on Someone
While most people only talk about how being cheated on can have an effect, not many will discuss the fact that the person who is cheating also feels the aftershock.
The first and foremost emotion that the cheater feels is guilt. If you cheated on someone and are now feeling guilty about it, it is important that you acknowledge the fact, as it will help you navigate your future decisions.
If someone is guilty of cheating, here are some more effects they can feel, both mentally and physically.
1. Increased Stress Levels
While cheating, our body activates the stress response, as a result of which our cortisol levels are high most of the time. This can lead to chronic stress and various other serious health issues.
2. Low Self-esteem
When we do something that goes against our morals, like cheating, it lowers our self-esteem, and we may feel like we have failed ourselves and others. Apart from relationships, it can affect our day-to-day activities.
3. Heighten Anxiety and Depression
The guilt or shame that accompanies cheating often makes us anxious or depressed. Our domain release can fall drastically, which can make us devoid of happiness and well-being.
4. Difficulty with Trusting Others
When you cheat on someone, it also becomes harder for you to trust someone, and eventually, you become more doubtful and guarded. This also increases your stress levels and makes it difficult to build any meaningful relationships.
5. Substance Abuse
Some even resort to alcohol and other substances to cope with the guilt and shame that comes from cheating. This can lead to a cycle of addiction and further exacerbate mental health issues.
6. Change in Appetite
If you keep feeling low for a long time, it starts affecting you physically as well. The first symptom is a loss of appetite or craving only a particular type of food (for most, it is junk food and chocolates).
7. Change in Sleeping Pattern
Being too stressed all the time can result in a change in your sleeping pattern. You may find yourself not having proper sleep or sleeping too much.
8. Difficulty in Concentrating
If your body and mind are restless all the time, eventually, you will find it difficult to focus on tasks. You may even become forgetful and experience trouble making decisions.
How To Build The Trust Back After You Cheated?
If you feel guilty after cheating, that means you have done something that is not in alignment with your morals, and it is an indication for you to fix things.
Here are some steps you can take to rebuild your relationship and resolve trust issues. And if you haven’t already, your first step should be ending the affair.
Admit the Fault and be Accountable
Whether you are caught red-handed, or the stress of cheating is making you insane, and if you want to rebuild your relationship and gain your partner’s trust again, start by admitting your fault.
Don’t go around blaming your partner that they didn’t give you enough attention or appreciation. Conversations like these are not something you should be doing at this moment.
However, you must address these once things are more stable.
Apologize Sincerely
After you admit your fault, apologize sincerely to them. They might not accept your apology on the first go, and you need to accept that. Keep trying until they forgive you.
It shows that you are genuinely sorry and validating that you hurt their emotions.
Be more Transparent
If your partner gives you a second chance, there’s a big possibility that they’ll still be doubtful about you. So be as transparent as you can. Don’t get offended if they ask too many questions, and DO NOT be defensive if they ask any awkward questions.
Please remember, transparency does not mean presenting things in a way that won’t make them mad; rather, it is all about being vulnerable and truthful.
FAQ’s
While it is very hard to accept infidelity and trust your partner further, this is when you should be giving yourself the necessary space and having open communications with them.
Rebuilding trust needs transparency and patience from both the partner and you to have discussions without hiding or lying, as it can worsen things. Genuine remorse, rational understanding of their reasons, and commitment can help your rebuild trust with your partner.
The first step is acknowledging the breach of trust and being open about the incident without further secrecy.
Discussing both of your emotions openly is very crucial as the next step would be to be empathetic towards yourself and your partner and respect their confusion. With patience and both-way commitment, things can get normal over time.
It is very natural to overthink and go through stress if you get into infidelity and yet want to be with your partner. Visit a therapist and practice self-compassion, and don’t be so hard on yourself, as it can result in more damage than repairing the relationship.
Final Thoughts
Cheating affects both people, whether it is the one who cheats or the one who is being cheated on. The aftermath depends on how emotionally invested the person is. If you are feeling depressed after cheating or being cheated on, I hope this article gave you enough insights on how you can rebuild trust and yourself.
Remember, there’s always hope for healing and moving forward in a healthy direction if we truly try!
She is an experienced Clinical Psychologist and Mental Health Writer with a decade of expertise in psychology. Skilled in assessment, therapy, and patient care. Committed to helping individuals through clinical practice and mental health writing at Therapyjourney.co. Passionate about promoting mental well-being and awareness. Open to aligned opportunities.