Do People With Borderline Personality Disorder Lie a Lot?

Being in constant denial is one of the major symptoms in some patients with borderline personality disorder. They persist in denying the mental health condition and some also end up hiding their true emotions or thoughts. This can be seen as a potential source of lies that come frequently from BPD patients.

Many studies have linked lying with multiple personality constructs, such as manipulativeness,  anxiousness, and sociability. These constructs are commonly prevalent in most people affected by BPD.

So, to answer your question in short – Yes, they do lie a lot!

Additionally, they casually lie about their past and portray themselves as someone content with life when, in reality, they are very unhappy. In relationships, they are never upfront about what or how they think of their partner. This is done to hide their diagnosis and then they soon become pathological, gaslighting liars.

Why and how do people with borderline personality disorder lie so much? In this article, I will explain everything about that.

Relationship with a Borderline Personality Disorder Patient: Do BPD Partners Lie?

In this section of the article, I will explore how lying by BPD partners affects relationships.

If your partner’s borderline personality disorder goes untreated for too long, their tendency to bluff and fabricate stories to fit their needs increases with time. You may not realize the extent of lying initially.

However, the dishonesty of your partner with BPD cannot stay under wraps indefinitely. And eventually, the deception comes out in the end. Unfortunately, these lies may cost everything in the relationship, even you. It could be a heavy price to pay for you, especially if you are a sensitive soul!

In a nutshell, morality and morals can easily inconvenience people affected by BPD. Their immoral actions may or may not be consciously done. Nevertheless, it will end up hurting you in the long run.

The behavior of most individuals with BPD is mostly governed by desperation. It is their fundamental emotional condition. Sometimes they may act and think like desperate children trying to fix their issues instantly.

When your partner with BPD acts out of desperation, they let go of their morals and conveniently lie, to get things done. Now, you tell me, would this be good for any romantic relationship? I think you already know the answer to this: “NO,” it is not desirable at all!

Why do People with Borderline Personality Disorder Lie?

Based on my professional experience, I will discuss the key reasons why BPD patients lie most of the time.

It is important to understand how the brain of a BPD patient thinks. They are scared of being abandoned, they want to keep others under their thumb and they keep running away from their responsibilities.

A borderline personality disorder is characterized by abnormal thought processes. These problematic thought patterns are ever-pervasive which means they never go away. The idea of being rejected or not getting what they want is terrifying for them.

This is what drives most BPD patients to lie so they can stay in control no matter what. Ironically, they want to take charge of things without taking their share of responsibilities. Therefore, the go-to course of action for most untreated BPD patients is blatant lying.

Now, irrespective of the fact that your BPD partner has lied deliberately or not, it is upsetting and off-putting for you. In such cases, you are more likely to withdraw and move away from them. However, this can backfire and trigger more desperation in people affected by BPD. And the vicious cycle of lying repeats itself!

So, unless BPD patients receive proper diagnosis and treatment, their thoughts and actions can make them a pathological liar and ruin their happy relationships. They could be doomed to live a life of disappointment which they have no control over.

Understanding Reasons to Lie

In this part of the article, I will help you understand the different thought processes of BPD patients that motivate them to tell lies. So much so, that it becomes their key to survival!

1. Being Truthful Makes Them Nervous

BPD patients fear being reprimanded so they refuse to speak their minds. They do not want to go down the road where they feel judged. So, they may invent a tale about themselves or their circumstances to fit in.

They are used to giving themselves persistent negative talk after being repeatedly told that they are weak or not good enough. This plants a deep-seated doubt in them which gradually grows to become one of the strongest motivators to lie like a pro.

2. They Lie to Feel Powerful

Lies can be extremely misleading. However, someone suffering from BPD may take immense pleasure in embarrassing others by lying and deceiving others. It can also develop into a habit as a means to knowingly misguide others causing severe repercussions for them.

A BPD patient frequently uses white lies to impress others, put a stamp of authority, or avoid uncomfortable social interactions.

3. They Feel Emotionally Secure

BPD patients can wrongly sense an invasion of their privacy. So, when it happens, they feel lying is the safest way to protect themselves from the consequences. It is almost like a fight or flight response when they feel a strong emotional barrier is violated.

4. They Want to Attract a Lot of Attention

Many BPD patients resort to lying to get noticed and stand out from the crowd. They are constantly looking for external validation and acknowledgment to feel better about themselves. It is one of the most common forms of survival mechanisms for people affected by borderline personality disorder. So, they will do whatever it takes, including lying upfront, to get any kind of praise or attention, no matter how insignificant it is.

5. They lie to make up for their shortcomings and overcome regret

Patients suffering from BPD generally lack a stable sense of identity, so they may fake success or fame when they are actually failing in life. It is a coping strategy built consciously to hide shame and guilt.

Anything that counters their make-believe world and illusions is a source of fear for most people with borderline personality disorder. So, they may lie at the drop of a hat to put on an act of success or blindly follow others who have great accomplishments without considering the circumstances.

Also, BPD patients can tell blatant lies to escape humiliation. They refuse to accept the fact that they fell short of other people’s expectations and run away from the truth to avoid letting others down.

6. They Crave Freedom

High-functioning BPD patients tend to carry the “fake it till you make it” attitude with them forever. If they have strict and controlling parents, they might lie frequently to get what they want. Teenagers suffering from BPD with bossy parents can easily resort to lying to influence their surroundings and gain more liberty or freedom.

People battling borderline personality disorder must understand that the condition is not curable and there are no FDA-approved medications prescribed for treatment. Consistent therapy is the only viable solution supplemented by certain effective mood stabilizers in limited amounts.

If the illness is ignored, the overwhelming emotions of the patients can take over their sanity in no time. They may become intense, so much so, that the patients lose touch with reality and start wrongly absorbing details that lend credence to their illusions.

Conclusion

Remember that the emotional state of a BPD person is not always based on reality. As a result, there is a high chance they might end up messing up with their daily functioning and decision-making abilities.

Also, false claims casually made by BPD patients to gain sympathy can be detrimental. It could be about their medical history, made-up health problems, and other life events such as falsely reporting being stalked, claiming kidnapping, being victims of abuse, etc.

So, awareness and knowing when to get professional assistance can go a long way for both BPD patients and their loved ones or colleagues.

If you are suffering from BPD, you do not want to be mocked by others for lying to falsely fit in, and present exaggerated self-portraits. So, start your treatment on time. Also, if you know someone who is dealing with a similar mental health issue. Be sure to help them seek counseling before their condition escalates.