Ignoring Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Do you know what to do while interacting with someone who suffers from BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder? You can do a lot of things but do not IGNORE!

Ignoring or unknowingly not knowing about someone from your close circle affected by Borderline personality disorder can exacerbate the situation.

Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder characterized by low self-esteem, unstable relationships, and heightened sensitivity to stressful situations.

Borderline Personality Disorder is often mistaken for PTSD or depression. The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that about 1.4% of the adult population in the US suffers from BPD. And according to some reports, what is even worse is that the majority of those affected are prone to misdiagnosis.

To understand why ignoring a BPD patient is not advisable, let’s first take a look at its major symptoms so that you do not miss out on them.

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience constant mood swings.

So, if you feel frustrated with the frequent shift in moods of your BPD-affected partner/friend/family member, chances are you may most likely distance yourself from them as well as the situation to protect your peace.

However, ignoring their BPD-induced behavior is only going to make things worse. The key here is to have a confirmed diagnosis and figure out the root cause of their unpredictable behavior.

You should be able to observe the following symptoms if you want to be sure that someone close to you is affected by BPD:

• BPD patients constantly feel a strong sense of impulsivity, leading them to resort to dangerous actions sometimes, such as reckless driving, substance abuse, and risky sexual activities.
• They experience “splitting,” which is an extreme irregularity in expressing emotions while being in a relationship. Your partner might go from being super affectionate to super angry frequently.
• They suffer from a persistent sensation of dullness and depression.
• They have a skewed perception of themselves so they are always low on motivation.
• They are unable to concentrate for longer periods of time, affecting their daily functioning.
• They can snap at you without any warning due to misplaced anger.
• They often feel remorseful or guilty after a bout of out-of-control anger.
• Their depression and irritation can linger for too long.
• They experience short bouts of psychosis resulting from extreme stress.
• They fear separation from their loved ones, so they are constantly anxious.
• In extreme cases, paranoid patients with BPD also contemplate suicide.

Ignoring People Affected by Borderline Personality Disorder

Since depression is a common symptom of BPD, ignoring someone with BPD can lead to counterproductive withdrawal.

One of the major symptoms of BPD is the constant fear of loss of loved ones. So, if they feel you are ignoring them, their fear of abandonment can intensify naturally, and they may lash out even more.

In some cases, people with Borderline Personality Disorder also experience “perceived rejection,” meaning they feel ignored and disrespected even if they are not rejected. This happens due to very high rejection sensitivity in BPD patients.

People with BPD can impulsively cut you off for indefinite time periods if they feel unwanted. But you need to understand that this is not a manipulation tactic but a genuine way to cope and safeguard against perceived abandonment or rejection.

It is essentially their coping mechanism to deal with someone ignoring them.

Now, if you are not aware of how serious BPD can get, you will react negatively by ignoring them because you might feel hurt every time they mistreat you. But your extreme response can have undesirable consequences making a little problem grow into a major one.

Why Should You Not Ignore Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?

So, what do you do when your BPD friend or partner pushes you away?

Firstly, it is easy to let go because that might seem the easiest way out. But hanging in there is going to make all the difference.

Your BPD-affected friend or partner does not choose to be this explosive. So, you must try and gain as much insight into the illness as possible to help your loved ones better.

If you ignore someone with BPD, which most would, the chaos in their mind and the irregularities in their behavior are more likely to continue. Your indifference could even add fuel to the fire worsening the situation.

Also, considering how close you are to this person, they might seek warmth and comfort from you. However, ignoring your BPD friend/partner will make them resort to harmful coping mechanisms such as overspending, drug use, overeating, etc.

To put things in perspective, this situation can be compared to smoking cigarettes to artificially mask your stress for a short period of time, knowing well that the habit is bad and highly addictive.

Similarly, if you ignore someone with BPD, they might move away further, thinking they are a nuisance to you, and engage in bad habits even more frequently to deal with abandonment.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder usually have a low sense of identity, making it difficult to control their impulses. So, if you do not want your BPD-affected friend or partner to become a victim of their own impulses, try to help them out instead of blatantly ignoring them.

How to Help Someone With BPD Instead of Ignoring Them?

People with BPD can be incredibly difficult to deal with, but dismissing them is not the ideal solution. It is important to be empathetic and kind to avoid sparking additional hostilities.

It is always recommended to make an effort to gain insights into their chaotic mind. The saddest part is that they do not know what they are doing, and they do not know that they are hurting you, so be patient with them.

A great starting point is to actively listen to their thoughts or feelings and make a sincere effort to engage them in your plans or important things from your everyday routine. This way, they will feel more valued, and they will not feel like a burden on you.

Remember, they want to feel loved, so proactively plan small celebrations that would make them feel appreciated.

While pointing out bad behavior in BPD patients is important, avoid being strongly critical. Also, be mindful that threats of stopping communication with them will not work because the fear of abandonment will make them even more insecure.

But it is advisable to be moderately restrictive and set appropriate boundaries. BPD patients might initially feel uncomfortable, but be reasonable with your limits when you set them.

Here are some quick DOs and DON’Ts:

DO’s:

• Communicate at all times.
• Encourage them to participate in fun events more often.
• Maintain your daily routine, as it helps BPD patients feel less alienated.
• Listen proactively and encourage frank discussions.
• Encourage them to take up therapy to feel better.
• Set reasonable boundaries and expectations.

DONT’s:

• Do not engage in extreme conflicts and criticism.
• Do not address Borderline Personality Disorder; address the situation.
• Do not use sarcasm.
• Do not defend yourself too much.
• Pay attention to their difficulties and their reluctance to communicate with you.
• Do not panic in case of hostile situations.
• Do not accept abusive behavior; politely let them know of the consequences.

Consistency is key to ensuring they stay within the set boundaries.

FAQ’s

Conclusion

Dealing with loved ones having BPD is definitely challenging. Since you interact with them daily, it can be overwhelming for you to hold down the fort and repeatedly ensure things do not escalate every day of your life. But remind yourself that your patience can do wonders.

If you feel extremely unsafe and physically victimized by the violent behavior of those affected by BPD, the best course of action is to move away and alert the right authorities for immediate help.

There is no treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder. Still, there are multiple effective approaches to reduce the symptoms and recover gradually, including therapy, psychiatric assistance, and unflagging support to make things better.

Keep going! All the best