Is it My Fault My Daughter Has Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, is a mental illness highlighting the tendency to be too overwhelmed by emotions.

A person with BPD faces extreme difficulty in maintaining a stable mood and is prone to erratic behavior. As a result, he or she struggles to keep up with daily activities, routine work, and responsibilities.

Job and relationship stability might also be a serious issue faced by most suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Therefore, they are at increased risk of self-harm or suicide if they do not receive help on time.

One of the most crucial relationships that sometimes tend to get destroyed due to BPD is the bond between a mother and her daughter.

The Mother and her BPD-Affected Daughter

Parenting is hard, and being a legal guardian of a BPD daughter is even harder. If your daughter has a borderline personality disorder, it is best not to blame yourself, considering BPD also has genetic components.

Although it is partly hereditary, the exact cause of Borderline personality disorder in children is not clearly known. Genes and genetic makeup are complex subjects, so you are not entirely at fault for your daughter’s BPD.

But sadly, BPD can make maintaining a healthy relationship with your daughter even more challenging as her moods yo-yo between good and bad without any warning in advance.

Signs That Your Daughter has a Borderline Personality Disorder

If you notice all or some of the below symptoms in your daughter, you can get her formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The key is to act fast and help her move toward proper recovery.

• Your daughter experiences terrible mood swings – this is particularly hurting when she lashes out when she is upset.
• She engages in substance abuse just like most teenagers – this can happen due to extreme peer pressure. Also, drugs create illusions and might give her a false sense of escaping trauma in real life.
• Your daughter might also engage in unsafe sex as a way to deal with a sea of different emotions.
• She consistently feels empty and paranoid due to the fear of abandonment by you as well as other close friends or family members.
• Her anger is uncontrollable sometimes, and she suddenly experiences bouts of hyperactivity and agitation.
• Reckless splurging, unsafe driving, and stress-eating junk are some other minor yet important symptoms to take note of
• In extreme cases, she might show suicidal tendencies and intense episodes of psychosis.

Please note – As a mother with a BPD-affected daughter, it would make sense to check if she is suffering from any other comorbid conditions such as ADHD, depression, and bipolar disorder. This is important as the symptoms may overlap and make diagnosis a bit more complicated.

Can Your Daughter’s BPD be Treated?

Borderline Personality Disorder is treatable, but you must find the right counseling and psychiatric service tailored to your daughter’s specific needs.

Unfortunately, BPD has a very high chance of relapsing. So, special care must be taken to ensure that the treatment progresses as planned. And there are no major hiccups on the way.

In order to enhance treatment and therapy outcomes, you are expected to stay strong and be the strongest pillar of support for your daughter. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Encourage your daughter to practice yoga, meditation, and other relaxation techniques.
• Ensure you maintain a calm atmosphere at home
• Be kind and non-judgmental
• Be mindful of your daughter’s non-verbal cues, such as body language and general expressions.
• Be constantly alert to avoid the development of suicidal tendencies
• Help her improve her interpersonal skills

Most importantly, do not try and teach too much but participate in the process till the end if you wish to see excellent results.

Did I Cause My Daughter to Have Borderline Personality Disorder?

As a mother, you might wonder if it is you who majorly caused BPD in your daughter. However, it is a myth. While a part of your daughter’s BPD might be genetic, there is no direct causal link between your actions and the development of BPD in your daughter.

There is no solid evidence that your upbringing or behavior led to BPD in your daughter. There might have been isolated incidents in which abuse or conflict at home might have been one of the causative factors for BPD in children.

But most good mothers have dealt with such situations with patience and have been genuinely concerned for their BPD children. As a worried mother, you may feel guilty for causing your daughter’s BPD, but there is no scientific basis for you to believe that.

Unless you made your daughter feel consistently abandoned as a kid which can have a lasting impact on her, there is no way you have caused BPD in her.

Supportive Parenting Goes a Long Way

Even though it is not your fault, you should always focus on creating a good, friendly environment for your daughter as much as possible. This is to ensure that your daughter feels safe around you and she knows you would always stand by her, no matter what.

More than anything, your support and willingness to change the status quo will help your daughter mitigate the effects of BPD more effectively.

The truth is that it is neither your fault nor your daughter’s because borderline personality disorder is tricky to diagnose and treat. Also, there are countless factors contributing to the development of BPD in your daughter. So, it is difficult to put your finger on a specific reason.

Most mothers try hard to be the best companion they can. And despite all the right efforts, things may not turn out the way you expect them to.

Some daughters still develop BPD in spite of having great parents and a positive atmosphere at home. So, there are many external factors to be blamed as well. Your child is prone to receiving all kinds of inputs from all different directions – at school/university/college and elsewhere.

Primary Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder in Your Daughter

If you have not neglected your daughter’s needs as a child. Here are some commonly known causes of Borderline personality disorder in your daughter:

• Your child is in distress due to sexual abuse and bullying.
• Your child is constantly in a state of fear for a number of reasons – bad friends or emotional abuse in school could be one of the many reasons.
• A family member with some mental illness induced long-term apprehension in your daughter, causing BPD in her
• Defective brain development since birth may also cause symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
• Problem with the neurotransmitters in the brain causing depression and aggressive behavior
• Genetics, in the worst-case scenario, can also cause BPD in your daughter. But it is difficult to exactly pinpoint the source of the illness for sure

So, borderline personality disorder symptoms in your daughter are a complex combination of multiple such inputs from multiple sources, apart from your way of raising her at home.

Do not feel bad about it. Instead, it is advisable to help your daughter address her BPD in the right way. And with improved mental healthcare, her relationship with you would get better.

Conclusion

The inability of your daughter to control her emotions can catch you off guard. And your daughter’s emotional sensitivity may leave you feeling powerless, hampering your relationship with her. But compassion and support for your daughter can do wonders.

You and your BPD daughter can still continue to have a strong bond if you follow the right set of guidelines and line of treatment.

So, it is very important to educate yourself about BPD in order to understand the behavioral patterns of your daughter and connect or empathize with her better.

There is a plethora of information about BPD available to you on the internet. And you can always reach out to mental therapy platforms or facilities for personalized treatment/counseling to deal with this situation better.

So, dear mother, keep going! You and your daughter may not be there yet in terms of how you want your relationship to be. But trust the healing journey, and do not give up hope!