What to Do When Someone With PTSD Pushes You Away?

PTSD is a challenging mental condition to live with, and co-living with loved ones suffering from PTSD may not be everyone’s cup of tea. It is essential to be patient and keep your relationship strong.

However, it can be difficult and overwhelming at times to be a constant pillar of support for your PTSD partner/siblings/parents, even when he or she cuts you off completely. That behavior really hurts!! So, how to tackle such situations?

Should you keep trying to pester them to open up to you or give them room to breathe? Or should you just abandon them, which is quite common as most people tend to get exhausted and give up eventually?

Well, before you do any of the above, you need to ensure you know enough about PTSD –  the causes, including the emotional aspects or triggers, the major signs and symptoms, the treatments available, and more.

This way, you would be more attuned to the needs of your near and dear ones affected by PTSD.

How Does a PTSD Patient Behave?

PTSD, if left untreated, can worsen over time, making people extremely despondent and irritable. People suffering from PTSD are more likely to miss work, shut off from their loved ones, and become extremely distant and numb to emotions for extended time periods.

Due to the above behavior, the bonding you developed with your loved ones over all these years tends to weaken. And the level of trust and affection that formerly existed in the relationship keeps fading.

It is typical to face rejection and get ignored or insulted when you are attempting to make your PTSD friend or partner feel better. So, unfortunately, you are forced to walk on eggshells at all times. But the more you educate yourself on the condition, the better you will be able to help your loved ones manage PTSD.

Symptoms of PTSD

Here are the key symptoms of PTSD you should know so you do not push your friend/partner/sibling too much into behaving the right way. Because, unfortunately, he or she is not in complete control of their actions. 

• Erratic bouts of irritability 
• Furious outbursts
• Reckless behavior like overspeeding or drinking excessively
• Frequent anticipation of death or potential threat
• Insomnia
• Trouble staying awake
• Constant feelings of remorse
• Sweaty nightmares due to flashbacks to past trauma
• Suicidal thoughts in extremely severe cases
• Losing interest in daily activities
• Haphazard work schedule
• Constant feeling of emotional void
• Higher heart rate/palpitations

If you regularly observe the above signs in your sibling, friend, or partner, it is time to take the next step – putting in the effort to provide genuine support to them as much as possible, so they can recover well.

However, remember that you cannot always put others first, as this approach can have detrimental effects on your mental health. So self-care is as important as caring for your loved ones affected by PTSD.

Therefore, we would advise following the below tips to help you sail through this successfully. But disregarding your physical and emotional needs should be the last thing on your list. Proceed with caution and complete mindfulness!

5 Things to Do When Someone With PTSD Pushes You Away

This section will cover the right ways of dealing with someone from your close circle with PTSD acting cold and distant.

1. Be a Good and Active Listener

Showing up and being a good listener can do wonders because sometimes, all PTSD patients need is someone who listens to them without offering unnecessary judgments and solutions.

At times, they will not talk about what is bothering them at all, but occasionally, they might feel like they are ready to discuss their dilemma with you. So, show that you care and are emotionally available to them.

A simple chat can go a long way in making your loved ones feel better. Additionally, this is a great trust-building exercise too. Gradually the person battling PTSD will be more comfortable and willing to have more intense conversations with you.

Also, be extra careful about the tone of your voice and the choice of words you make while having these talks with a person affected by PTSD. You should not be forcing them to speak up.

Some examples emphasizing reassurance are as follows:

• We can talk when you are ready, there is no pressure
• Let’s just sit down together quietly and say nothing for a few minutes; we can discuss when you want to (an act of giving them space and time)
• I am always there for you, so do not hesitate to share things when you feel comfortable enough
• You will never walk alone
• Wanna talk about it?
• If you do not want to talk, we can discuss this later. I look forward to the conversation

2. Go Beyond Just “Talking” to Build Credibility

You may notice that your partner, sibling, or close friend is struggling to get through the day due to PTSD, and you offer to sort things out by talking. But PTSD patients have a greater tendency to alienate people if they do not wish to engage in verbal communication.

In such cases, it is better to show affection by providing other forms of assistance. To relieve any pressure, you can try and help them out with day-to-day routine activities or regular household chores.

Another great way to make them feel secure is by reminding them about your future plans together or incorporating a few trust-building activities in your schedule, such as going out for long drives, long walks, meal prep, etc.

You can also offer to help with taking the pets for a walk, doing the dishes, doing some outdoor work like mowing the lawn, and more.

Give them enough time to return to normalcy and focus better with renewed energy. These little actions communicate volumes when words fail.

3. Think From a Different Perspective

Now, unfortunately, you cannot entirely know what is going on in the head of your loved one suffering from PTSD. The thoughts are quite complex, and you would never ever know all the triggers upsetting them. But be considerate and try to make an effort to put yourself in their shoes to understand their situation better.

This will happen when you educate yourself about PTSD and know how it truly works. Also, it is important to understand what instigates your loved one to behave the way they do when they are down in the dumps. With time, you will get the hang of most internal and external triggers that alienate you.

Therefore, try and get to know the person inside out, his or her history, and major details of the trauma memories he or she suffered in the past.

This exercise is like doing your homework and understanding the context beforehand so you can curate your own list of dos and don’ts when you are around a person struggling with PTSD.

You need to develop this knack of sensing discomfort and not mention things that can act as potential triggers reminding your loved one about their bitter memories.

4. Do not Underestimate the Importance of Support Groups

Another tried and tested way of reducing feelings of isolation in a PTSD patient is to motivate them to join support groups. This way, they would realize that they are not alone and have expanded access to more resources that can help them proactively manage their condition.

However, your loved ones living with PTSD who have pushed you away may hesitate to join such support groups. That is when you can take the initiative to help them understand how these groups matter.

It will give them a chance to connect with similar people already living with PTSD who may have distanced themselves from their loved ones. Your partner/sibling/friend/family member may learn from other people’s experiences and come back to you.

5. Provide Help With Finding the Best Treatment Option

As someone sharing a special relationship with a person recovering from PTSD, it is crucial to emphasize the benefits of therapy and psychiatric treatment at some point. However, how you would bring up the subject and the timing as to when you recommend seeing a counselor or psychiatrist will make a world of difference.

You want to encourage your loved ones to seek professional help and not make them feel like they are a burden on you. So, make sure you are upfront about treatment duration and also assure them that you would be committed to helping them through it until proper recovery.

Conclusion

Remember to keep the process cordial and peaceful, no matter how hard things get. The onus of creating a safe, trustworthy environment for your friend, sibling, parent, or partner to recover from PTSD is partly on you.

PTSD patients prefer being alone sometimes, so if someone you are close to needs space, try not to invade their privacy and also know well that they do not intend to push you away. So, do not feel bad about it because a part of them actually wants you to stay and help in any way possible.

But it is also very important to keep your sanity intact and not entirely neglect self-care in order to care for your loved ones with PTSD. If you want them to fight off PTSD, make sure they get appropriate psychiatric assistance, and you being by their side will be a great way to supplement the treatment.

But there is no way that your love and support alone will help them get rid of the condition. Therefore, it would be wise to strike a good balance between supporting your loved ones with PTSD and prioritizing your own well-being.

If both of you are willing to not give up on love and the bond that you share, do not walk away even if you are pushed away! You will eventually work towards making this happen. Good Luck!