At some point in our lives, we all come across people and only wonder, “Why are they so mean to me?” And ultimately, we start blaming ourselves, thinking maybe we messed something up.
But in most cases, that’s not true. You might meet a person for the first time, but they still can be mean to you for their own reasons.
Insecurity, threat, anger, and vulnerability, emotions like these often make us behave unusually. And these are also some reasons why people can be mean to you without you giving them any reason to act like it.
So keep reading if you want to understand the psychology behind them behaving so coldly and how to deal with it without internalizing the issues.
7 Reasons Why People Can Get Mean With You & How To Deal With Them?
If you didn’t do anything to displease them, and yet they are being mean to you, then here are some possible explanations for their behavior.
1. You Have Something They Want
Has this ever happened to you – you met someone for the first time in your life, and they are instantly giving you the mean side eye?
And you start wondering what went wrong!
Well, they are not being mean because you did something wrong. They are doing it because you have something they want badly.
Maybe you are more popular than them, more good-looking, have more money, or you share a close bond with someone significant to them.
All these and more can be a reason for them to envy and hate you. Their mean behavior towards you is mainly instigated by their fear of losing their power, position, or image, and unknowingly, they start seeing you as a competition.
If they realize that they can’t beat you or take away the thing from you, they start being mean to you. Their focus shifts to hurting you so that you get weak and become less of a threat to them.
In this case, you can’t do much to improve things. But positively confronting them can be a good idea. Assure them that you are not there to take away anything from them and you mean no harm.
2. They Are Trying To Make You Stronger
Not everyone who is mean to you wishes bad for you.
Believe it or not, there is a thing called tough love, where a few very specific persons in your life will intentionally be mean to you just to teach you a lesson.
They will do anything and everything to get you out of your comfort zone, and in the process, they might appear mean or cold.
They might say something that makes you angry or treat you differently than others. And on the surface, all their actions can seem ruthless. But, in the end, they might only want to make you stronger for your good.
Usually, people like teachers, parents, and elder siblings act this way to prepare you to face the harsh reality of the world. And you must not take their actions and words by heart, as they only want you to be stronger and better.
Yes, you’re right – Professor Severus Snape is exactly the epitome of this mentality. He appears ruthless to Harry and his friends until the very end till you realize he was protecting them throughout!
3. You Don’t Take A Stand For Yourself
In the end, you decide how people should behave with you.
If you act like an easy target and let people walk all over you, they will definitely do that without showing any bit of empathy!
It is the instinct of nature to suppress the weak, so if you never take a stand for yourself when someone is crossing the line, they will never know where to stop.
For example, if someone cracks a joke on you that you feel insulting, you must take a stand for yourself and tell them clearly not to repeat that.
It will make them aware of your boundaries, and the next time, they will think twice before crossing them.
If you don’t defend yourself, no one is coming for you to do that. So stand up and start voicing your opinions confidently so they don’t behave with you however they want.
4. Maybe You Fueled The Fire
So far, we have been talking about why others might act mean to you without any reason. But what if you made the first move and made them feel bad?
Sometimes, we all end up doing unintentional things and forget about them.
Hence, if you did something to hurt them in the first place, their holding grudges will be pretty natural. Most of us don’t even realize or accept the fact that we, too, might have some toxic traits that can annoy others.
For example, if you have the habit of cutting people off while they are saying something and start sharing your experience, that can annoy many.
Or if you are someone who goes on fixing people’s diction and mannerisms, in your head, you may be helping them, but they might consider it rude and unnecessary.
These are tiny things that we don’t realize as we have been doing them for so long, but they can create a huge impact. Especially when you aren’t very familiar with a person and they don’t know you in and out.
Therefore, before considering all the other reasons, reflect upon yourself to find out whether you were the first person to make them feel bad. Confront and apologize to them, and things should get sorted between you two.
5. The Person Is Going Through A Lot
Now, is the person only being mean to you? Or are they mean to everyone around them?
There’s a massive difference between the two, so we want you to clear that out first.
If a person is suddenly acting rude, mean, or cold to you, there’s a good chance that there’s something going wrong in their life. Because someone who is usually cordial with others will not act mean without reason.
If they are going through a rough patch in their life, they might develop a coping mechanism called projection, which can cause them to behave more bitterly than usual.
While projecting, they might take out their anger and negative emotions on someone else by attacking them indirectly. They might start reading between the lines, overreact on matters, and lash out.
While trying to protect themselves from getting hurt, their actions might end up hurting you. And while this is a very complicated concept for many to understand (because there’s still not enough education on mental health), you must not take their words seriously.
6. They Want Your Attention
As lame as it might sound, but yes, people will be mean to you just to get your attention.
Don’t believe us? Just go to the comment section of any celebrity’s Instagram, and you will find a bunch of people commenting mean things. What do they want? Just a reply from the celebrity that they couldn’t reach through the DMs.
If you are someone who’s famous in their school, college, or in general, you are more prone to experience this.
Maybe once they really liked you and tried being friends with you, but you ignored them, so now they are being mean to you just to get your attention.
This type of behavior is never justified and is borderline toxic. These kinds of people are impulsive and would go to any extent to get what they want. So the best thing for you would be to keep a safe distance from them.
7. They Just Want You To Go Away
Nobody wants to be with someone who is mean to them, right?
Some people will simply be mean to you just to scare you off.
They might say nasty things to your face, make rude gestures, and do exactly the opposite of what you like. All with the intention of just getting rid of you.
Usually, people who are bad with confronting others and ending things maturely take this route, but the bottom line is that they want you out of their lives.
They can have their own reasons – maybe they don’t like you, they don’t think you are good enough to be with them, or they simply want space. Whatever the reason may be, you must not force yourself on them as it will make things difficult for both of you.
Take a step back, let them be alone, and if they don’t contact you, take the cue and never go back!
FAQ’s
If someone is mean all the time with everyone, chances are they don’t realize that they are being mean.
There can be many reasons why a stranger may behave rudely, and one of the biggest reasons is cultural differences.
For example, if you are a US citizen, it can be normal for you to wave and smile at strangers, but try doing that in Japan or Korea, and you’ll get a weird gaze. Now, that’s not being mean; it’s just a cultural difference.
The best way to deal with rude people is to be kind to them. Most rude people are dealing with some insecurities, so being nice to them can make them feel bad about their actions.
But if you can’t do that, simply remove yourself from their presence.
Finally!!!
In most cases, someone being mean to you may not have anything to do with what you did. People usually act mean to hide their insecurities and appear stronger. So, instead of getting hurt, confront them and handle things graciously.
She is an experienced Clinical Psychologist and Mental Health Writer with a decade of expertise in psychology. Skilled in assessment, therapy, and patient care. Committed to helping individuals through clinical practice and mental health writing at Therapyjourney.co. Passionate about promoting mental well-being and awareness. Open to aligned opportunities.